breakdown #6542
It has been more than a month since I stayed at home. "Dah sebulan macam tu jugak. Pagi bangun bukan nak tolong apa. Menjawab pulak tu."
I'm hurt. OK. I'm hurt so much inside. Ok la I'm sorry if that was menjawab but I want to luahkan jugak.
\1. Technically, you were not asking me to do anything at that time. We were talking about something completely random and I was joking saying 'abang dan hadi tak buat kerja'. it was away for me not to feel burdened that oh kalau diorang tak buat kerja, then aku pun tak buat kerja sebenarnya. So I can't blame my studies and academics sbb kerja rumah.
And yes I joke kasar sekrang. Sorry if you did not notice
2. You said, pagi tak buat apa. Ah well I'm sorry pagi weekend, is the time I have set for me and my entertainment. But pagi weekdays, the time yang I bangun awal, I did help. Basuh pinggan kalau ada lap meja. But did you know? Ofc you did not! You were still sleeping. How is that my fault? Pagi weekend je is all I'm asking to take leave
3. "I did not persoalkan what time you turun!" Oh, you want to persoalkan? Ok fine. Next time, I'll do my kerja kat bawah. See how much free time I have. See how much kerja I have. See how much assignment I have.
Yes, ni baru menjawab.
Point is,
1. I'm a very straightforward person la. If I really tak puas hati, I'll tell them to help you. I would not have said that to you. Sorry if you do not know me for who I am. Sorry if I expected you to dod the same. Not everyone is like me huh? People like you akan pendam, sorry to hear that but what can I do? Your life, your emotions
2. I joke to make myself better. Sorry if my kasar-ness hurt you in anyway. But it's hard to change now. My savageness is what helped me go through my life. But before, I never touched about boys not helping. I only said nanti abah akan suruh i jugak. Which is basically a fact. And when i cried, it was because of me not being able to live up to your exepctation. I had mental breakdowns because i was trying to help you AND getting scolded at. im sorry but i really could not go on like this. Im tired physically and emotionally. Just please, dont give me another breakdown just because of my jokes. please dont.
3. I know everyone in this house has their hand tied behind their back, semua ada kerja masing2 tapi semua trying to help the house with what they can. i know that. And if i said otherwise, then that was a joke to help me cope myself with the situation.
4. I tried not to blame the house if my grades went down. But now looking back, yeah you know what. I have every right to blame the house. If you keep marah, macam tu, it affects my emotions. It affects my time. It affects my studies. It affects me. So yeah you know what, one of the reason I cant do well in the tests is because of me trying to help the house.
My last point is, I still have a fragile heart as fragile as I used to have. The difference is now I hide my emotions behind this strong character I try to build. But if you must know, I'm sorry if I hurt you but you hurt me as well. And I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. I love you but love hurts. And now I'm waiting for time to heal it.
NHN
19042020
I'm hurt. OK. I'm hurt so much inside. Ok la I'm sorry if that was menjawab but I want to luahkan jugak.
\1. Technically, you were not asking me to do anything at that time. We were talking about something completely random and I was joking saying 'abang dan hadi tak buat kerja'. it was away for me not to feel burdened that oh kalau diorang tak buat kerja, then aku pun tak buat kerja sebenarnya. So I can't blame my studies and academics sbb kerja rumah.
And yes I joke kasar sekrang. Sorry if you did not notice
2. You said, pagi tak buat apa. Ah well I'm sorry pagi weekend, is the time I have set for me and my entertainment. But pagi weekdays, the time yang I bangun awal, I did help. Basuh pinggan kalau ada lap meja. But did you know? Ofc you did not! You were still sleeping. How is that my fault? Pagi weekend je is all I'm asking to take leave
3. "I did not persoalkan what time you turun!" Oh, you want to persoalkan? Ok fine. Next time, I'll do my kerja kat bawah. See how much free time I have. See how much kerja I have. See how much assignment I have.
Yes, ni baru menjawab.
Point is,
1. I'm a very straightforward person la. If I really tak puas hati, I'll tell them to help you. I would not have said that to you. Sorry if you do not know me for who I am. Sorry if I expected you to dod the same. Not everyone is like me huh? People like you akan pendam, sorry to hear that but what can I do? Your life, your emotions
2. I joke to make myself better. Sorry if my kasar-ness hurt you in anyway. But it's hard to change now. My savageness is what helped me go through my life. But before, I never touched about boys not helping. I only said nanti abah akan suruh i jugak. Which is basically a fact. And when i cried, it was because of me not being able to live up to your exepctation. I had mental breakdowns because i was trying to help you AND getting scolded at. im sorry but i really could not go on like this. Im tired physically and emotionally. Just please, dont give me another breakdown just because of my jokes. please dont.
3. I know everyone in this house has their hand tied behind their back, semua ada kerja masing2 tapi semua trying to help the house with what they can. i know that. And if i said otherwise, then that was a joke to help me cope myself with the situation.
4. I tried not to blame the house if my grades went down. But now looking back, yeah you know what. I have every right to blame the house. If you keep marah, macam tu, it affects my emotions. It affects my time. It affects my studies. It affects me. So yeah you know what, one of the reason I cant do well in the tests is because of me trying to help the house.
My last point is, I still have a fragile heart as fragile as I used to have. The difference is now I hide my emotions behind this strong character I try to build. But if you must know, I'm sorry if I hurt you but you hurt me as well. And I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. I love you but love hurts. And now I'm waiting for time to heal it.
NHN
19042020
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