IB Lesson #1: Ikhlas

 Hi.

It's been 10 days since the IB results day.

And it was surreal.

43 out of 45.

Whaaa????

2 ppl got 45, 5 ppl got 44 and 10 ppl got 43.

But me??

Let me tell you what happened.

I was on the verge of giving up. I didn't want to study. I was tired.

I knew my IAs, EE and TOK lacked in so many ways. And let me list it all out one by one.

Malay - kurang 1 minit dari masa yang diberi

English - lacked fluency. I lost focus in the middle of a question and terdiam

ITGS - I didn't publish the updated html coding 

Physics - I manipulated the data and tak design the experiment betul2, like there were just too many systematic errors

Chemistry - tak siap IA, tak buat evaluation betul2 there was seriously no reference in the evaluation. and data tunggang terbalik

Maths - tak siap IA; basically tak menjawab my RQ technically

EE - I did not reference them correctly. I legit deleted almost half the references semata sebab they were before 2017

TOK - I met Ms Aqyn only thrice, technically once je la after tukar content

and tup tup tinggal lagi seminggu je nak exam with all these problems in my mind. I knew I could not succeed, and the chances that my diploma would be awarded pun was very low. I didn't know what to do, didn't know who to confide bcs I knew they were all my fault.

and masa tu bulan ramadhan, I wanted to banyakkan amal. everyone was asking me a lot of things. that was my priority; finding the answers and giving it to them. but bcs it was ramadhan, i knew i couldn't just 'tak belajar'.

my thinking was, 'ni ramadhan. nak capai taqwa, i have to do what Allah wants. (Mind you, I knew i was astray, nak capai taqwa would be close to impossible.) but this is the only time I can change myself. so i want to become someone yang buat anything mengharapkan keredhaan Allah. And in this point of time, I think Allah would want me to belajar.'

Maka, saya pun belajar. tak mengharapkan result pun. buat hanya kerana mengharapkan Allah redha. sebab tahu yang Allah tak tengok result pun, Allah tengok usaha. Sebab tu aku berusaha.

Tapi usaha yang gitu2 je la, tak macam orang lain. Orang lain stay up sampai 1-2 pagi. I can't. Tidur pukul 12 bangun lambat

That was it, truthfully.

Time dapat result, mula-mula scared sebab tau usaha aku tak sebanyak orang lain. tapi bila tengok result Hadi 6A and ummi sangat usaha untuk cari uni Hadi, tak sampai hati lak kalau ummi terpaksa lalui dua kali, cari a uni for me. time tu baru start doa betul2.

I prayed to Allah with hati yang sangat meminta, " Ya Allah andai ada kebaikan untukku dan rakan2ku belajar di Canada, bantulah kami mendapat 35 and above." Lama2 tu sendiri dapat rasakan kehebatan doa tu menimbulkan sejuta harapan because you know you're praying to the Almighty that can do ANYTHING HE wants. So tukar la doa kepada 45.

Subhanallah. AllahuAkbar.

Speechless dapat result.

Alhamdulillah.

MasyaAllah.

I cried.

Now, I'm writing this to remind myself, walau setinggi mana pun awak atau serendah mana pun awak, do EVERYTHING that you do because of Allah. Bukan atas sebab lain. Kalau tak, sia-sia.

Sebenarnya banyak lagi life lessons that I got from IB. But this is the number one, the one yang paling tak disangka-sangka. 

With this, I end it here.

Wallahu a'lam.

15072021

NHN